In their online Radio Interview porn star Heather Brooke and her husband Jim describe their sex life as “private.”
What they mean is that they are the only people in the room (give or take another woman at Heather's pleasure). They are exhibitionists, certainly, but they do not perform publicly in “real life,” only in cyberspace, and they do not look at or significantly interact with fans while they are fucking and sucking.
It is easy to understand why this is “private” when it gets compared the sluts, cyber whores, orgy-ists, spouse-swappers, flashers, and variously other tribes in the nation of porn. Alternatively, many people would find an online video of themselves getting lovingly fucked in the ass to be decidedly too PUBLIC. And we shouldn't forget about authoritarian perverts who advocate for strict public controls on all sexually provocative materials while privately living out a fantasy of secret and compulsive kinkery. Clearly the boundary between public/private is the site of many peculiarities about human beings.
Is this the “edge” that gives sexuality its stimulating edginess? I have begun to believe in the truth of this notion. After all, who can deny that human beings generally enjoy flirting with a little social danger as a side-dish for their sexual appetite. Fucking in the car. Not closing the blinds at home. A quickie in the changing room. A blow job in the movie theatre. The stuff of worldwife secret sex fantasies, that filled the pages of glossy porn magazines, are filled with the unfulfilled urges of men and women to got to the very edge of impersonal social space with their most private biological encounters.
What is pornopgrahy – or prostitution for that matter – if it is not a delightful risking of the impersonal possibilites of our highly personalized feelings. Those who partake in anonymous sex clubs all over the world will tell you that it proves highly addictive for many of them... like gambling or cocaine. It addressed a socially ignored need of people to refine themselves at the boundary between their normal personal space and the alluring, frightening realm of cultural rules and public observation. This practices are sought out on the basis of a healthy drive to make ourselves more alert, more charged and concentrated in our sex play. It is not a blackmark against this motive when neurotics and psychotics carry the practice too far, or when ignorance and emotional repression make us clumsy and dangerous fools. These are critiques of the manner of the practice and they do not implicate the underlying desire in their web of covert pathology.
A great example is found in the phenomenon of the “gang bang.” This is when the feminine participant (who could be male, female, etc.) tries to receive the collective lusting of three or more participants. These are very popular videos among men – but why would they want to see a bunch of other men copulating with and “jizzing all over” the woman who is ostensibly being filmed to provide them with private masturbatory pleasures? These men must enjoy something about the non-personal dimension of the event. Although we might expect that personal intimacy would pull away from anonymous public events we find that this is not the case.
People seek out gang bangs, mobs, immersion in the vast audience of stadium concerts. It is very compelling to approach that threshold where the private ceases and the public begins. We all negationate this boundary in every interaction and whether we decide to pile face first into an anonymous clandestine orgy or laugh at a sexually related joke in a family comedy we all come at last to the buzzing of this invisible barrier. An electric fence must be handled carefully... but this is only because we want so badly to touch it.
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